Well, as I have shared about the heartbreak of my divorce, I have to also share about this new chapter that my Father has provided for me. My husband. My sweet, gentle, loving husband. The day I decided to face the unthinkable in my previous marriage, I didn’t know whether I would spend the rest of my life alone. My whole foundation was shaken. And I have so many weaknesses. But God, through his love, mercy and grace, gave me the peace that I would be okay, no matter what my future consisted of. I spent three years in a big, old king-size bed all alone (with the exception of my precious daughter who would come and go for occasional love and bonding). I did so much soul-searching, reading, crying, reflecting…and rejoicing. I faced the ways I had failed in my marriage, and I wanted to make sure that I learned the lessons that God wanted to teach me. He was gentle with me, as He always is, with the realization of the ways I had fallen short. If I began to take the wrong path, I could feel Him fighting for me and guiding me back to the path that He wanted for me. And at the same time, He graced me with the forgiveness that none of us deserve. Knowing and feeling the love and acceptance of the Father, no matter where our weaknesses lie, is greater than any love we can experience here on this earth. I put my whole trust in Him with my life, no longer trying to control or manipulate anyone or anything in it. I just decided, after many mistakes, that God’s way was so much better than my own. I spent many days on my knees praying for God’s will to be done…I did not want MY will. I wanted His, above mine, no matter what.
And then He gave me my husband…he is not perfect, but he is perfect for me. We both have experienced failures in this life that neither of us are proud of. Our weaknesses have brought us to places that we never want to go back to. But we want to learn from it. And we have each other to lean on. And this time, I want to do my part in having the kind of marriage that God intended.
1 Corinthians 11:3 ~~ But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
One of the ways that I am learning to have that marriage that God intended is to truly trust this man with my life…and ultimately trust that God will take care of me, no matter what happens. You see, one of my greatest weaknesses is the fear that the other shoe will fall at any time. Can you relate to that, my friend? Just waiting for the next bad thing to happen? I know this isn’t the way our Precious Lord wants us to live. He wants us to put our trust in HIM! And when our trust is in Him, fear has no place in our hearts!
And He wants us to love each other. Truly love each other. And I am learning what that really means in this second chance that God has given me. We know that God IS love. And that is what we say to each other often, “I Love You.” Our Precious Father has given us the perfect definition of what love is.
For me, I have learned that my weaknesses make it difficult to love the way God intended. I sometimes want to put a wall up out of fear, out of past experiences, out of ugliness in my own heart when I think things are always about me.
But then, God reminds me of HIS perfect definition of love. And that makes me want to love better. He loves us exactly where we are, without any reservations. In our weaknesses. In our Sin. Even when our hearts are ugly.
And when we understand that love, and really feel that love He has for us, that is when we can give that love forward. That is the love He wants us to have for each other. That is the love He wants me to give to my husband. Every second. Of every day. In every situation.
I’ve heard and read a lot recently that the people that we love are never our enemy, even when they are weak…we are all on the same side, God’s side. The enemy that drives a wedge between spouses, loved ones and friends is the devil…and loving the way Jesus does makes us a target for the devil. Therefore, he attacks our weaknesses. BUT thankfully, that is not the end of the story!
2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
I had a chapter in the Bible come to me in a dream last night…Matthew 28. I looked it up this morning. It was on the Resurrection and The Great Commission. Our Father showed His love for us when He sent His son to the cross for us and was resurrected. And He told us to go out and make disciples. Because of that, I just had to share. So, let’s go out and make disciples, my friends!