Well, this is something I haven’t publicly talked about…for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that it is one of the two biggest heartbreaks of my life. I am talking about divorce. The truth is, so many have walked this walk; and I know the shame firsthand that comes along with it. And I definitely know the judgment felt by the few that won’t even speak to me because of it. But those judgments on earth mean nothing when they are compared to the heartbreak that comes with being a Christian and being divorced. Facing the truth with my Precious Savior was harder than any shunning I have received here.
Recently, I have been approached by two different friends with great struggles in their marriages…they are looking for answers, just like I was not too long ago. I never want to sugarcoat that struggle with my friends who are hurting; and I certainly never want them to think that if I can do it, they can, too. I had someone tell me as I was walking through this journey that they were afraid of what divorcing would do to my Christian witness. Having friends come to me that are wanting to leave their husbands feels like one of the ways that Christian witness has been affected. Just like I was searching for an answer, they, too, need someone to tell them it’s okay, to give them validation for how they are feeling, and for permission, so to speak. Because I am divorced, they reach out to me. And a part of me hates that.
I’m just going to speak from my heart. I don’t believe that divorce is necessarily a sin. I have read many different views on what the Bible actually says about the justifications for divorce, and that is something that has to be between you and the Lord. BUT I have learned this…divorcing did not bring honor and glory to the Lord. And for THAT, I am so ashamed.
Here’s the raw truth:
- Divorce IS hard
- It can affect your Christian witness
- Your family unit is broken, changed forever
- You feel judged
- The guilt of “giving up” is almost unbearable
- The person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with may never speak to you again
- You may lose friends
- You are filled with shame and regret for the ways you weren’t a good partner
- You lose control over what your children may experience
- You may spend the rest of your days without a partner in life
- It’s a long road back to becoming whole again
But despite all of that and more, this is not the end of the story. I also know this: Although divorce in and of itself does not bring honor and glory to the Lord, He can still use us and our circumstance to bring honor and glory to Him!
AND THAT IS GOOD NEWS!
He loves us, whether we are divorced or not! He still has great plans for each of us. He will never leave us; and I have no doubt He will forgive us of our shortcomings. We just have to be willing to turn to Him and trust Him.
Romans 9:33…I am placing a stone in Jerusalem that makes people stumble, a rock that makes them fall. But anyone who trusts in Him will never be disgraced.
The devil may win some battles; but as Christians, he will never win the war! God will mold us and shape us and teach us so much through our suffering. And He will still use those who have divorced…it’s our story being used for His glory.
Today I am so thankful for the forgiveness of my Father in Heaven for the failure of my first marriage, the forgiveness of my sweet two children here on this earth who still love me, and for the Lord’s favor in giving me a second chance at love and blessing me with a new, bigger family unit.
I am still a work in progress…
Psalms 51:10 ~ Create in me a pure heart, O, God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me
And He still loves me…
Romans 5:8 ~ But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.