strivingforHisway

When I was a young girl, barely in junior high, I remember laying in bed one night and realizing that I was going to die, that life would end on this earth for me one day.  That was a hard day.  I didn’t understand what the point was at first…and for a long time, probably.  But it is when I first realized I needed Him, my Savior.

Years later, after college, marriage and three kids, I remember sitting in a chair in my room and opening my heart up to Him again…dedicating my life and my heart in a way that I never had.  I realized I needed Him to show me how to live with Him in me.  I wanted and I needed a personal relationship with my Savior.  He taught me about the Fruits of the Spirit.  He taught my how I needed to deny myself.  He taught me that I needed to work on MY relationship with Him and to stop worrying about everybody’s else’s.  He taught me how I needed to want His will above my own.  That was a big one…His will above my own, selfish will.  He was preparing me.

Two years later…sitting in the hall of a hospital facing anybody’s worst nightmare, when all the lights went out in my life, in my heart, in the world, He turned on that little flicker of light, of hope, in the dark hallway of despair…and reminded me that He was still there, that I still needed Him and that I could count on Him.  He had prepared me…and He was following through with His word.  He was there.  And He reminded me about His will above my own…and about trusting Him and about having the faith in Him and not in this world.  He showed me how there was more to life than what we can see…how to think Heavenly.  He showed me His dying on the cross was for someone more important than myself.  His dying on the cross so that we could have eternal life meant everything to me, to you, to each of us.  He revealed its importance to me.  And I was so thankful.

Several years later, at a crossroads in life, I, again, knew I needed Him…and as true to His word as He ever was, He was there.  He taught me how to see myself in His eyes…and no one else’s.  He taught me how to love myself solely on the fact that He made me just like I was…and He doesn’t make mistakes.  Not with me.  Not with you.  Not with anyone.  And it was okay to just be me…THAT was such a relief!  I didn’t need to be a savior any longer…in fact, playing savior was taking HIS job away!  And how dare I!  And He showed me, how I treat people has nothing to do with how they treat me…but everything to do with my relationship with Him.  I had to think about that one…HOW I TREATED PEOPLE WAS A DIRECT REFLECTION ON MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.  Again, denying myself for the greater good of letting others see Christ in me.  Not always easy…

The truth is…even though I don’t always know I need Him, I ALWAYS need Him…every second of every day.  Tonight…as I sit here without all the answers to this life, I am reminded that I still don’t need to know them.  I just need to know Him.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world, you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33